To be Queer, Teen and African

By Kgosi Aleck Ntshetlho

As wild as it sounds, it is an establishment
like hell, only without the sulphur and brimstone.
In a region where tradition, norm and customs are the steering wheel,
it’s quite hard to breathe and walk around the marketplace freely
as they are watching.

In almost all cultures it’s considered a western evil brought by the colonizers.
The truth is it was always there and part of the culture,
but new faith sensitised the tribes and now a boy must act like a man because he’s wrong if he wants to be expressive
or keep different company.

As wild as it sounds, I’m here and I live to spill the tea
because I’ve heard all the vulgarity known to man, and honestly,
I never healed.
Because I’m not as strong as the others.

The pain of being fourteen and everyone calling you
“gay” in unison like it’s an evil that has escaped the nethergate,
even the teachers who grew up oppressed by colonial rule, mocking and teasing a child to heal their own tortured childhoods and
pose under beliefs and faith.

The hurt of having to endure all that, since first grade when you
didn’t know a thing and assumed you were just a child
like everyone else in the village.
You would think what you did was normal and society deemed it appropriate but really it was only you
and you were wandering off the path, according to the community.
Because quite simply, for you there was never a closet
and you were bullied since the very start.

How it hurts your soul and what makes you yourself,
to have your ancient uncles condemn you for waking up after everyone else,
and question your tone when speaking, and observe how you hold yourself, meanwhile
you’re just a child of sixteen years.

As wild as it sounds, it aches a lot
that they’ll have high cultural expectations of you, which they
say traditionally male children are supposed to meet.
But you’re not the typical male child who’s looking to fulfil such demands.

You could always tell that your family feels an ounce
of disappointment in you, and you can sense the little judgement they have
even though they have accepted.
It’ll make you grow up constantly proving yourself,
and wanting more than you can reach because you’ve grown up
being scrutinised, now you’re trying to heal.
It’ll make you mean
And rude, to those who are like you.

No one has ever asked if I’m okay, and if I’ve been coping
because I’ve gotten so good at hiding with a smile and
a white lie.
Please reach out to me.
I want to talk about it.
I want to free myself.

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Kgosi Aleck Ntshetlho, aged 20, is from Thamaga village. He is a poet and short story writer who writes on topics from and inspired by the natural environment, contemporary issues that address human nature, gratitude and beauty, cultural vanity and diversity, and the LGBTQ+ community. When not writing poems and stories he’s mostly at school or caught up in a romance novel in his room.

Instagram: @kgosialeckntshetlho
TikTok: /@kgosialeck